I’m a rap dad just kicking it preschool First in line to the Pixar sequel There’s no equal to how I love my kid My son won’t know ‘til he has his Trying to do a good job like my mom and dad did They seemed so prepared, this feels more adlib Mad crib building skills when I check the instruction Paid for by the child credit tax deduction It’s all about the Washingtons baby Maybe I got that fresh amount in my checking and savings I just bought a new Mercedes Hot Wheels for my son Tonka truck for my lady Somebody better pay me, I’m putting in work It’s a full-time job just to watch these squirts I think I’m going crazy or mad ‘Cause I’m beginning to feel like a rap dad, rap dad Could you stop and pick up diapers on the way home? And don’t forget to make a payment on the cell phones, We need a sitter Tuesday night; can you check with your friends? I found some time to write this rhyme between work and errands My main duty is to clean up doody When my baby toots then you gotta sniff that booty I can’t breastfeed so the next best thing is to clean up Diapers with wipes especially when it’s messy, yup Don’t test me, I know where to get that discount When I'm buying stuff in bulk amount I gotta meal plan it so I scan it certified organic Raising up my children while we're raising up the planet Dagnabit, fatherhood has chilled my curses “Frick” is the worst that you’ll hear in my verses When my kids act out, then I make ‘em take a step back Ask a few questions, and they respect that How are you feeling? Is that okay? How are you acting? Completely cray! So let’s take a deep breath and make a new plan We’ll get control of our emotions, then we’ll kick it to the minivan Could you pick up toilet paper on the way home? Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe And try to setup auto-payments on the cell phones? Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe Name here can’t make it Tuesday night, can you check with your friends? Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe I need some time to write this rhyme between work and errands Booty wipe, booty wipe, let me get that booty wipe They’re always trying to figure me out Like “You’re thirty-plus, why are you just doing this now?" Well I told my kids they could chase their dreams If I don’t lead by example, they won’t know what that means Being a father doesn’t make you a dad Any more than being Darth Vader makes you bad Any more than a bicycle makes you a cyclist Any more than taking science makes you Harry Nyquist Yes, I bring bacon, yes, I check cheddar Yes, I win bread, but if you knew me better You’d see I’d trade all that money for time But a paycheck and benefits is how we survive It’s like this, if you step up to the plate and you whiff If you don’t keep swinging, then you’ll never get a hit So keep showing up, and keep trying ‘Cause children need their dads like the thunder needs lightning, BOOM For the love of God get coffee on the way home Looks like we must’ve missed a payment on the cell phones Our thing got switched to Thursday night, let’s give up and stay in I can’t find time to write this rhyme

When you're gonna be dumb then you gotta be tough When you're gonna be dumb then you gotta be tough When you're gonna be dumb then you gotta be tough My dad told me, “Son, if you’re gonna be Barton Know this from the start, you don’t have to be the smart one The smartest person in the room finds impending doom ‘Cause if you think you know it all, then you’ll find out soon You’re mistaken, my mistakes have taken Me down a path less traveled, practically vacant I may be ancient, but that makes me wise Each success costs nine hundred and ninety-nine tries So giving up is the easiest route But if you give up, then you’ll never figure it out I know learning from your failures makes the road get rough But if you’re gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough” Ever since that day, I’ve kept my head up high Knowing the only people who fail are those that try I may not feel resilient when I do something wrong But if stupid doesn’t kill me, then it makes me strong When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough You're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough Don't cry every time you mess up You're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough Don't ever give up Mind over matter, if you don’t mind then it doesn’t matter They can stir the pot, but it’s just cake batter So if it gets heated up, we don’t sweat the small stuff We just turn to fluff If you can’t stand the heat, you’re not Emeril Lagasse I’m cooking up some beats with my old school posse Throwing lyrical ingredients, BAM Mark Smucker in the back screaming out, “that’s my jam” But I digest, food analogies aside I used to let every little word hurt my pride And then I tried, being something bigger than me Now I confidently say “je suis la jeune fille” If you’re gonna be dumb, then you gotta be smart Mistakes are not great for the faint of heart So get that dirt off your shoulder, pull your bootstraps up If you avoid the fight, then you don’t need to be tough When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough You're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough Or maybe stop doing stupid stuff When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough You're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough When you're gonna be dumb, then you gotta be tough Just carry on and suck it up I gotta be dumb I gotta be dumb

Simon, driving in that sea-foam green Maserati, Ducati, Bugatti, Kawasaki Honda XL1000V Varadero Every noble steed needs a hero So when you see him in your rear view, objects may appear to Be closer than they look, don’t be shook if he’s near you Ladies! He's easy on the eyes But guys don’t be surprised if you meet your demise ‘Cause he’s the best by no stretch of the imagination A specimen of creation, did you get your invitation To the gun show, I really means guns ‘Cause when he’s in the U.S., he’s gonna shoot 'em for fun Hair perfectly quaffed he locks eyes with the target It's hard to get a gun in Germany except the black market We've got 'em stateside and he finds that strange Because at any given moment you could literally turn And shoot everyone single person in the range SIMON! What's up? Hit the tunes! Grab the clutch Shift it into third, I don't think you heard, listen up SIMON! Wie Gehts? Dreh es auf! Place your bets If it's a race you want, then it's a race you're gonna get, come on September twenty-second ninety-seven Born to rock that bass guitar cranking up the amp to eleven And heaven? it's just another venue to play So when he gets to the top he’s gonna slay! Okay? This German gets his fingers burning right before the sermon He's determined to be pure and stay away from Uma Thurman His aversion to coercion's reminiscent of a surgeon I'm certain he likes comedy and possible Bo Burnham Or Herman Monster might be more his speed Speaking of speed, let's bring it back to the song we agreed to write Y'all ever heard of self-driving cars? Future Self-driving motorcycles? No, he burned his leg, SUTURE But that won't keep Simon from getting back in the saddle, He's ready to battle, if you are up a creek then he's the paddle He's been a lot of things but in all them a leader This goes out to my missionary, rockstar, teacher SIMON! What's up? Hit the tunes! Grab the clutch Shift it into third, I don't think you heard, listen up SIMON! Wie Gehts? Dreh es auf! Place your bets If it's a race you want, then it's a race you're gonna get, come on SIMON! What's up? Hit the tunes! Grab the clutch Shift it into third, I don't think you heard, listen up SIMON! Wie Gehts? Dreh es auf! Place your bets If it's a race you want, then it's a race you're gonna get SIMON! What's up? Hit the tunes! Grab the clutch Shift it into third, I don't think you heard, listen up SIMON! Wie Gehts? Dreh es auf! Place your bets If it's a race you want, then it's a race you're gonna get

I know, I know, I know you've heard it before But when will you learn? You're not a finished product You are still a work in progress You probably think I come straight from the rugged Roof overhead just came with limited budgets Not having what we wanted but having want we need You will never see me lose a fight to greed even between A down the stream refrained dataries I don't know this May weather with greens for better means I stay focused on the dream that's standing right in front of me Others stand still like mannequins need company I'm not perfect that's the puzzle to life You cut corners than it comes with a price Start rolling the dice 'cause it's rare we're all on in the same All stars don't shine into fame, and that will never change But trust the process even when it's obnoxious Hard to progress, I know it's coming from my sweat Blood and tears, never a day I regret the pathways in my career That's on every breath that I'm here, yeah I know, I know, I know you've heard it before But when will you learn? You're not a finished product You are still a work in progress Let your light shine, let it remind everybody There was a time when we did not define anybody We were just us, just 'cause anything better Had never endeavored it just was Let me severe any of the tithes that try to tie you down Don't listen to the words, listen to the sound Pounding in your chest like a bomb that's ready to blown Your freedom is their permission, are you ready show This whole world what you've made of? You've made mistakes But scars are just victories over your scrapes Will the weight you carry seems less severe When you realize in your core you were born to persevere? Break, weather, crack, fade A fine wine only gets better with age So when you drink in all the faults of your previous best Just know the person you will be isn't there yet I know, I know, I know you've heard it before But when will you learn? You're not a finished product You are still a work in progress I know, I know, I know you've heard it before But when will you learn? You're not a finished product You are still a work in progress